I give up!!

It appears that my lot in life is to be single. Why, I have no idea. Yes, I know I keep going on about my love life through these blogs, and yes, its getting repetative, but the same shit just keeps happening. I get turned down, time and time again and its now gotten to the stage where I think "Fuck it, I'm gonna be a monk!" Thats how far its gotten to, and and regardless of what I do, it ain't gonna get better I fear. My friends help me, and try to pick my spirits, and I fully appriciate the support they give me, I really do. But no matter what they try, it won't cure the hurt I now feel now.

so, sitrep as to whats happened. The cunning plan I was referring to on the following blog: Desire for more...... inability to gain it - Well, it didn't work (as I suspected). I did what I intended to do, and it wasn't a fuck up as I feared, but the failure in the response was not befitting the effort. But events tonight have caused me to wonder, if I should have even gone to the effort of being part of the group I now hold dear to me! Basically, having been turned down, I attented a birthday gathering of the intended target, but it appears her sites may have been set on someone else...... and he's a wanker! Its not that I don't like him.... he just feels smarmy, slimey, just someone trying to act his age, but coming across as snooty.

But, its not for me to say about a friend's choice in blokes. It just feels like a kick in the bollocks that I have been turned down for that. Admittedly, I've met her ex, and he's an even worse arsehole. I nearly hit that prick on Friday cause he was being one! So, I sort of know what type of guys she aims for, but to see who you probably have lost out to, it just doesn't sit well, and after about 5 minutes of being at this rathering at the pub, I bugged out and went home. I don;t like to embarass myself, but I might have done, and I would really look like the dickhead then!! Disgression is something I do well, when needed, and every ounce of my being was called to show it tonight. I just gritted my teeth, finished my pint, and Foxtrot Oscared out of there.

So, what am I to do? Really, I have no idea and I'm at a loss. I'm gonna put a bulletin up on myspace and ask for help, but I doubt that will give me any answers. I really don't know where to go, after this setback, and this wasn't anything major, this was a simple probe to see where I stood. She was the whole reason why I spent my time with them, and the objective has gone!

Have Fun.... cause I ain't!