Advice

Being able to bounce ideas and run over thoughts and scenarios and generally discuss plans of action and what to do next, is almost a specialist subject of mine that I could use to go on Mastermind with and kick peoples arse on. It works so well in fact that most of the time they fail..... but that only comes down to certain fields, which I have no doubt I'll expand upon, in my drunken state at a later point in time on this blog! I am a theorist, and a realist. I think things through, figure out whats gonna happen through various scenarios and figure out which is the best, and which one will utterly fuck me other, and then see which one will actually have, knowing that the one that'll fuck me over will be the one that plays out. It also means I can be hypocritical (which is me all over) and although I say I'll do this, that and the other, I'll end up doing it in reverse to what I said. For the most part, this plays out fine, and the vast majority of things go the way I expect them to, which is why I don't get surprised too often and can respond in a calm manner and execute what I need to do. But there are times, when this doesn't happen, and failure ensues faster than an STD spread by the best hooker in a red light district.

But when I can't fathom out what to do, and the path I have, becomes blurry and vague, I turn to friends to see what they can offer. At the end of the day, you don't know it all, and nether do they, but each other's shared experiences can be combined to show an avenue that you might not have seen before on your lonesome. Having this opinion, means you can explore someones history, and see what makes them tick. Someones opinion, like mine or yours, is made of of past experiences and things learned and picked up over time, thus meaning you not only learn what they have to offer, but you also learn about them, and the way they pick up nuggets of information. This means that you can turn to them more often cause what they're providing is better quality info than someone else. Its like going from drug dealer to drug dealer. You see which one has the best shit, and keep going back to that dealer, till either they're nicked, or they don't have the supply.

However, having a wide variety of sources means that you can then pick the best path to follow, thus gaining glory and general happiness. But getting peoples advice for a situation, say, like mine: My failure to get a girlfriend, isn't easy. In fact its one of the most plotted minefields I've ever come across! Its insane, some people say its best to be like this, or do that, and others contradict them and say something else, and a 3rd lot, may poopoo them and some something completely from left field!. Its hard, cause, out of all things I do, try, achieve and mainly profiteer from, girls are the one thing I haven't been able to sort out. I've tried being me (a prat, which is what I mainly am), I've tried to be a cheeseball. I refuse to lower myself to become a dickhead, just to pull women, but thats solely on moral grounds and the fact that the advice thats being given, is coming from a retard anyhow. So, being one's self is what I've done. I'm not really hunting, but just keeping an eye out for a possible opening....... it doesn't work!!

Trying to solve this problem, and think my way out of it, is so far proving to be the single most differcult problem I've encountered, and its not getting any easier. In fact, the older I get, the harder it becomes to the point where, by the time I'm 35, I might have been drawn into prescribing into ladies of the night!!! But I plan not to become that desperate!! The solution is there, but maybe in a way way I've not thought about...... or rather not to think about. Following advice from my good friend Kirsty, I should not even think about being single and not think about trying to get into a relationship, not even subconsciously!!! How the fuck do I switch my brain off with that? Its the single, greatest issue I have and I;m not to even have it in the back of my mind. This will be hard, and no matter what I do, it'll play over in my mind....... which is why I'm gonna give it a try! It has to work, cause its not what I do, and its advice coming from a friend who knows me, and knows who I am, not intimately.... unfortunately, but knows what person I am well enough to properly give advice to me and one should always heed her words.

So, starting tomorrow, one will try to erase this drive to not stay single, not keep looking, and it should hopefully work. Theres only one catch: I'm a hypocrite and will most likely poopoo the advice, but not this time!! I need to make this work, and hopefully, I won't be worrying about catching some nasty thing from hookers in Norwich!!!

Have Fun, and always follow good advice, it helps.

Flying 'top cover' for friends

I try to be loyal to my friends. If they run into any trouble, I'll do what I can to help them out, regardless of personal cost or safety. Its what I do, and I'll probably keep doing it till something stops me permanently. It's what I do, and what I appear to be best at doing. it seems to be the best thing I'm good at, so, as the saying goes, if you're good at it, do it! Having a split personality though, can have its drawbacks, given this level of commitment to ones friends. I think I mentioned before (on Myspace.... dual posting now, remember!!) that I have a split personality. Although I'm me, if I get myself in a muddle, or I fuck up, or I get tasked with something that I need to perform, but don't, then the other side of my head kicks in, as it did tonight. Fox is the rational, logical, sensible, blunt, honest, problem-solver in my head. He's been there years, but only named him a few years ago, when he helped me through some rough times. He now sits in the background, where he likes to be, and comes into his own when it all goes tits up!!!

Now, we all hear voices in out head. or at least I do. I'm not a fruitcake, but I'm not exactly sane either. And, having done the things I shouldn't have done in the past, and having a voice inside my head say "why did you do that?", and the way this voice acted, it felt like it had its own persona. and so naming it, seemed like a good thing, cause just saying the voices in my head said so, would make me sould even weirder than talking about myself in the 3rd person!! I called the voice fox, for its cunning knowledge in getting me out of a tight spot, its ruthlessness, its honesty and its bluntness. these are characteristics that foxes have, so putting 2 and 2 together, it made sense!

And, tonight, everything that made Fox important, was tested to beyond his ability. I was tasked with watching a friend, who clearly had too much to drink, and needed a friend to keep an eye on her. I got given that task. And following specific information to watch this friend like a hawk, I tracked and observed her as best I could....... till I lost sight and didn't know where she went to. I paniced. I got myself into a rut that wound me up cause I don't like failure, and the info given was enough to make me worry. Fox took over straight away, and has only just backed down and calmed to the point where he can go back into the depths of my mind.

Fox saw that I was going into a rut, and did what he knows best, take over me, and direct me accordingly. Ensure that do what I need to do, and complete all tasks in front of me. Having lost, visually, my friend, and with the info I had, Fox started looking for her. Checked last known spots, home, and in the club where I'd escorted her into..... nothing. having called a couple of friends, informing of the situ, they just told me, she'll be fine, and not to worry about it. But I was worried, and Fox knew it. He disregarded the cries, and looked again. Success, I found her again, and I kept up my escort mission. Following the ejection from the club, I explained what had happened, and the reason why I went to such lengths. Although, thanking me for being concerned, she disapproved what I was doing, even ensuring that she made it to her front door safely. that went down a treat.

But, I was worried. Before I started to 'shadow' her, there appeared to be a heated conversation, where, following her walking up to me, she began to cry. Just for a moment, but enough for me to feel nervous enough to keep her safe. I'm not a 'mothering' like person ,but if people tell me to keep an eye out for someone, I do so and make sure, regardless of who they are, and if they can look after themselves or not, that they're safe. And I do it for all of my friends and relatives..... ALL of them! I've said before, I'll kill and be killed for my family, friends and the people that I care for, just to ensure their safety, and, although people say I shouldn't, I do, cause I'm good at it.

The people around me, they're the best thing I have. Fuck my guns, car, computer, or even money. As long as I have my friends and family, I'll be happy, and ensure that no harm comes to them if I know about it. This methodology is also shared by Fox, although not to the emotional state as me. Fox takes over, and all seems to go back to normal, albeit slightly changed. But I'll have calmed down, and all around will have settled, once objectives have been achieved. Once that happens, Fox, goes back into his hole,watching and waiting in case of more emergencies. Fox is my rock, my pilot that can steer me through tough times, but only so far. And with my commitment to help family and friends, they help the me through the rest of the shit, that Fox just can't get through.

Do I have a sort of moral for this? Well, make sure you don't isolate yourself from friends and family, cause they're the ones that help you through all.

(P.S.: Update on last blog. turns out, my issues were somewhat unfounded, and I'd just jumped to conclusions. I'm still pissed off, that I failed, but the reason that set me off, is now incorrect. I'd like to thank the 2 people that responded and spoke to me to try and help. its greatly appreciated that you bothered.)

I give up!!

It appears that my lot in life is to be single. Why, I have no idea. Yes, I know I keep going on about my love life through these blogs, and yes, its getting repetative, but the same shit just keeps happening. I get turned down, time and time again and its now gotten to the stage where I think "Fuck it, I'm gonna be a monk!" Thats how far its gotten to, and and regardless of what I do, it ain't gonna get better I fear. My friends help me, and try to pick my spirits, and I fully appriciate the support they give me, I really do. But no matter what they try, it won't cure the hurt I now feel now.

so, sitrep as to whats happened. The cunning plan I was referring to on the following blog: Desire for more...... inability to gain it - Well, it didn't work (as I suspected). I did what I intended to do, and it wasn't a fuck up as I feared, but the failure in the response was not befitting the effort. But events tonight have caused me to wonder, if I should have even gone to the effort of being part of the group I now hold dear to me! Basically, having been turned down, I attented a birthday gathering of the intended target, but it appears her sites may have been set on someone else...... and he's a wanker! Its not that I don't like him.... he just feels smarmy, slimey, just someone trying to act his age, but coming across as snooty.

But, its not for me to say about a friend's choice in blokes. It just feels like a kick in the bollocks that I have been turned down for that. Admittedly, I've met her ex, and he's an even worse arsehole. I nearly hit that prick on Friday cause he was being one! So, I sort of know what type of guys she aims for, but to see who you probably have lost out to, it just doesn't sit well, and after about 5 minutes of being at this rathering at the pub, I bugged out and went home. I don;t like to embarass myself, but I might have done, and I would really look like the dickhead then!! Disgression is something I do well, when needed, and every ounce of my being was called to show it tonight. I just gritted my teeth, finished my pint, and Foxtrot Oscared out of there.

So, what am I to do? Really, I have no idea and I'm at a loss. I'm gonna put a bulletin up on myspace and ask for help, but I doubt that will give me any answers. I really don't know where to go, after this setback, and this wasn't anything major, this was a simple probe to see where I stood. She was the whole reason why I spent my time with them, and the objective has gone!

Have Fun.... cause I ain't!

In other news, the law......

I, as many of us try to be, am a law abiding citizen. Yes, I do speed when driving, but only cause I like to, and to get to my destination a bit quicker. I don't do 100mph+ speeds, just 70 odd in a 60 for example. But this is the only exception, and I've not been caught yet!! I suppose someof the songs, films and TV shows I've gained via streaming on the net, that I've later saved on my computer could be classed as illegal downloads, but when I watch them, they get saved onto my computer anyway....... its like giving it to me for free!!! When it comes to illegally downloading stuff, it should be the people posting the stuff up that need to be targeted, not the people obtaining it. But thats something I have no control over.

On the whole though, I don't do anything illegal, nor have I attempted to do anything of that nature. I've never taken drugs, Shoplifted/pickpocketed, assaulted anyone (yet, there is a list!) or caused criminal damage knowingly. This clean record came as a great help when I got a job working for the home office....... ironically, watching people convicted of the above offences and more! It helps even now, with my current employers refusing to allow people with criminal records to work for them. And because I've been a good boy, in the eyes of the law, I'm more employable and and can obtain greater perks. Having a clean record makes my registration on a Database to buy BB guns look good and should give me a good chance to obtain a firearms licence to buy air rifles, seeming as the government deem all airsoft guns that fire over 1 joule of energy, an air rifle.

As mentioned previously, I have taken up this airsofting malark, and just made a large purchase of guns. this was made possible by my registration onto a database thats cross-referenced with all suppliers. But, there are some people that are still selling cheap and nasty, spring action pistols, like what you'd get from a seaside resort fun shop. Now, since the 1st October 2007, all BB guns are classed as Realistic Imitation Firearms (RIF), and MUST be sold by licenced suppliers, and all RIF's must be used on a private site thats registered for that purpose. So imagine my horror when I heard that a group of kids with said cheap and nasty guns, are running around a large, public woodland near the centre of Norwich!

Filmed at Mousehold Heath, near HMP Norwich (of all places), and posted on Youtube, this footage contained the group, doing what my and my friends do, but in a public area for all to see. More shockingly, the police didn't respond to the incident, which would have led to the deployment of the Police Astra (the one car, driven by, I think, the only Armed officers (so 4) Norfolk have!!) and would have caused a major incident. The local paper caught wind of this and made it a big story. As an airsofter, this incident is bad. My new found sport is already viewed with suspicion and various anti-gun nuts want it banned cause they feel it promotes a gun culture and glamorises the use of a gun!! No, we try to play soldier and act accordingly, not portray it with semi-naked girls and talking about them, and being in a gang and taking a rival gang out with them........ we leave that to rap music!!

But, this is the thing, the government have tried so hard to ban guns, or gun-looking things (although British police did shoot a guy with a table leg under his arm......... I don't often see tables with legs that look like AK47s yet!!), but the gun problem in this country is still high, and the deaths to such crimes are still happening. They also don't seem to be able to stop the flow of illegal firearms into the country, but have come down hard on the import of RIF's cause they look like guns!! The government nearly killed the sport because the original rules for the VCRA (Violent Crimes Reduction Act, brought in on October 1st as a knee-jerk reaction to high-profile deaths on Britain's streets), but thanks to a bit of lobbying, those plans were laxed......... but they could come down harder again, if more incidents like on Mousehold Heath continue to make headlines.

The incident is illegal, even if those kids didn't know it or not. and could have left a great number of people in the UK, very angry and without a weekend activity that they/we all love to participate in. Yes, I know if I wanted to run around with guns and shoot people, I should have joined the Army, but thats not the point (Military forces use similar methods like airsofting as a training tool!!). this is a hobby, a sport (cause if darts and fishing is a sport, then so is this) that well over half a million people in the UK enjoy. And to have it taken away by stupid, foolish kids with no sense of public safety, and no thought for their own safety cause of armed police officers, is wrong. Its like having all football, pro games or a kickabout in the park, taken away cause of the hooligan crisis in the 80's.

So, after another rant, what am I going on about!! Well, think before you act would be the obvious one. Basically because your actions may cause unforeseen consequences that could affect others unfairly. but thats too easy. Instead: Don't take a fucking BB gun to a public park and think you can have a mock gun battle, without being really shot at by police!!!!

Have Fun...... and lets hope the rain goes away.

Desire for more...... inability to gain it

For those that know me well, I have a newly found hobby that I've been participating since April. Its called Airsofting (I might have mentioned this). The basic concept is very simple: you run around, pretending to be a soldier with toys that look like real guns, and shoot drastic amounts of plastic at one another. No matter what your perceptions of this might be, its safe, fun, active and fulfilling. My fitness has increased because of it (although various injuries have been sustained) and its a good day out with friends. The downside is that it can be expensive...... very expensive. To put it into context, all of my AEG's (Automatic Electric Gun - Powered by batteries, which powers a motor and gears to help project the bb's out of the gun) come to a combined total cost of £910, not including postage ans packaging. The Gas BlowBack pistols (Uses gas to reload the gun, via the magazine) comes to £180, and the cheap, nasty, glorified club I call my Spring action M-16, well that was about £60. Total: £1150..... not cheap!

The bulk of that cost has just been bared on my bank account, with me buying 4 guns at a cost of £560. This is a lot of money, considering Christmas has just past, but this will keep me happy..... till I can get another gun that I've been crazing over for a while. This is a fair pattern of my life. I seem to be unable to get what I want,of which its the thing I most want. But when I go for it, I seem to pay a high price, of such I barely recover. this is mostly true with everything in my life: girls, guns, models, cars, anything I might wish for. But bearing this normally leaves me with a pain that I have tried to fill on many occasions and just about filled it, but the substance I've used has been substandard and has just caused later pain.

As I said, this desire to gain what I can't have, extends to girls, and I fear, this will be true for sometime until I stumble across someone that actually wants me, rather than the other way round. It will happen, but this is also a desire I hope will happen..... but it won't! But I'll try! I currently have a plan to see where I can go with a girl I like. Its a good plan, but its a plan I have made in pursuit of someone so therefore it is doomed to failure. This girl is someone I met whilst being absolutely trollied and was dumped next to her by my friend. He brought me into his group, but I only knew him, and not the rest. I left that evening, fucked, with one name from the entire group, and she has been the sole reason for my return to this group, and then becoming an integral member of the group (or at least I hope I am that close with the group).

Now, as stated oh so many times in my blogs on Myspace (this is being duel posted), I have no luck with girls, so I fear my cunning plan will fail, but I can only try. That's what I plan to do this year. 2008 will be the year I try. I will try to be in a relationship before the years end, I'll try to live in a place of my own, I'll try to learn Russian, I'll try to be the best friend I can to all of my friends. If I don't, then the chance or opportunity might be missed, or the advantage of having these factors on my side might be lost or cause unforeseen issues in the future. But I want to. I want to make this the best year yet. I want to mark a quarter of a century with something that will stand out so much, I'll take it with me till I die. And I want this year to be one that I'll be remembered for.

My aim is clear, and the shot is good, I just need to take it. But I fear the normal things will happen: Failure. Everything I just said goes tits up and nothing goes right. And fear is the key to everything about me. Its not what I don't fear like death or certain people that might have it in for me. I fear failure and that's something I need to overcome if this year is to be the year.

So, I say to you all, who read this: Set aside your fear, be brave, and we'll all get through what we want, wish and hope for.

End of......

So, another year draws to a close. I become older, fatter, more bitter about certain things, more capable in others; and after alls said and done, I feel like I'm not quite on top... or am I? In the pursuit of trying to improve ones self (cause nobodies perfect..... regardless of what they say!), I always try to beat the year I had, by weighing up where I am now, to where I was at the start of the year. This might sound easy, but its not. A constant strive to even equal the previous year is hard enough, and over the last few years of my life, that has barely been achievable with certain things like cars, work, girls and jobs.

So, what have been the positives of this year? Well, Chelsea won 2 trophies; I'm in a new job; I have a new and expensive hobby, playing around with guns!; my social life seems to be on the up (and that can only be a good thing...... it I cock it up!); I don't have a bank loan to pay; I haven't tried to kill a car; I'm fitter and stronger than I ever have been in 4 years. All these things are good, but don't quite outweigh the biggest positive I've had this year: I've not had a bad September. If you've read my blogs on Myspace (there's one specifically about bad Septembers; if not, go read it) or know me in any way, shape or form, you'll know I suffer from bad Septembers that seem to blight the year almost as bad as the death of a loved one!! (Please don't take offence if you have lost a loved one. I know for a fact its not nice). The lack of a bad September has been the bright mark upon this year for me. And then there's that little issue of me growing my beard and then shaving it off cause by nephew, Jake, was born.

However, life has its ups and its downs, and this year hasn't go off smoothly at all. the issues of working for the shytehole called its4me and the ensuing stress the bastards put me through; silly, immature, little girls launching a campaign to isolate me from all my friends; Chelsea not winning the league (but winning the FA and League cup out did that); not being allowed to go to the Waddington Airshow (of all things) and seeing the Indian Air Force Su-30 fighter planes (its not like it was the first time the Indians had been to the UK of an exercise in 50 years!), which was caused by the worst summer weather I've ever known. These things have managed to cause stress and made me feel angry and bitter towards many things and people, some of whom, will not be forgiven and will die by my hands! No joke, I will kill them. the pain those induhviduals (that's a deliberate mistake - you'll get it if you're a Scott Adams/Dilbert fan) have caused me over the last year, is enough for me to seek vengeance in their lives. I don't care of the blood I would spill and the hate from others that they would bestow on me. They caused me unbearable stress and pain, and I merely wish to repay them and then some! But, enough of vendettas, at the end of the day, I'm not gonna have the opportunity to do the things I would plan to do to them, so no one needn't worry.

In a year, in which many things have happened, good people have been lost, evil people haven't been removed yet, and Labour are STILL in power (God help them come the next Election), will I call this a good year, or a bad year. Personally I haven't made my decision. Not because I can't decide, but I prefer to do that final analysis in private and I really haven't got round to doing that yet. But, the evidence would say yes, it has been a good year. But was it better than last year? This info I can share, and that it is a big YES!! The positives outweigh the negatives and I've done many things and achieved many goals, I either couldn't do, or wasn't able to do last year, that I can do now!

So, what am I getting on about? Well, simple really, and if you a really easy, simple and potentially achievable New Years resolution, well, here it is: Try to do better than last year. Even by doing something new, or meeting new people, or trying to better yourself at something you do well already. If you can better last year, that always mean its been a better year. happy New year, to all 6 billion of you (apart from the people I wish to kill) and I hope you make it a good year as well.

So this is Christmas? (Posted on Myspace 24/12/07)

I sit here, writing this blog, having just managed to overcome the onset of a panic attack! I previously stated that I'm not a fan of crowds, and having my local packed to beyond capacity, was, shall we say, nerve racking. I spent the better part of 2 hours, figuring out ways to get out, and increasingly became 'ratty' with people and the environment. I don't know what the official name is for the phobia for crowds is, but I have it. Still, this is the season to be merry, but having looked at everything, what the fuck is there to be merry about? I mean, why should I feel happy, when there's really nothing to be happy about?

Now, you might think (this is under the assumption that people read this!), why should you say that? you are alive, have a roof over your head, have a good job, and have friends and family that care for you. And as much as this is true, I somehow feel hollow because I'm not completely where I want to be, and the world, as a whole, is not at equilibrium. people are dying for no good reason; there's people straving, homeless, cold, abused, unable to live a 'normal' life, all due to various reasons that we may or may not understand. whether it be due to culture, or things that have happened in that persons past to put themselves into that situ, or whatever, there ARE PEOPLE, still in this day in age, that go live a life that they should not.

I'll freely admit, I don't contribute to help this people (But I am a hippocrite, so I'll say one thing and do another), but thats not cause I don't want to. Nor is it cause I don't care. The reason is cause its not my place to. I have no real power in this world to affect the outcome of anything, litteraly, on my own, I can do NOTHING. A large group can earn a voice, which might be heard after some time, and TV and add immediate impact, but I don't help because, regardless what I see on Comic Relief and Children in Need, I feel my money does nothing. The whole Western Wrold is build on power by the richest over the poorest, and that mindset is something that hase been created, refined and executed over 2, maybe even over 3 hundred years. One voice cannot change that. No matter what the charities tell you.

So, what can be done? I haven't come up with a plan about that yet. As much as I like to problem solve, this is one that I can't come up with. I can't save the world, but I can chiop at a small piece of it, to make me feel better. This is why I've helped a friend, set up, conduct and execute 2 op's for another friend to wish her a happy christmas, and show how much we all care for her. Over the last few months, I've been hanging out with my friend Sam (TAOW, one of my top friends). I've known him from LAN, and more recently, through having to use the X-56 bus route to work when I thought is was fun to battle witrh a volvo, using my Astra! A few months ago, I got utterly fucked hanging out with another friend, and was, quite simply, abandomed with Sam, and his friends at my local.

Drunk, slightly confused and with no idea what was happening (I don't remember about 2 hours of that night), I met a group of people that, having got to know them, are fantastic, and have brought me out of my shell more that I could have imagined. To figure out what happened, I got to know these people (Dan, Claire, Tommy, Dan, Chance (her real name, I can't spell); these are the main group I have come to know, there are others, but most are either zombies (see previous blog) or I don't overly like that much). Sam is quite clearly the lynchpin of this gang. No question of it. He gets the balls moving, and keeps this machine, well oiled. And he is a fantastic friend to have, cause he'll do what it takes to get the job done, and enjoy it. But the op's have not been for him, they've been for Chance!

Chance is the oldest of the group, at 29/30 (age, not sure) and she works her cotton socks off, and is a great laugh. Plus she's an Ex-combat medic and plays rugby (you can see why I like her ). but, she has suffered her lot in life. I know very few details, and what I know, I won't go into cause its something I cannot talk about, but she deserves the love this gang gives out, every ounce of it. And seeing the way they care for chance, makes me smile inside. And her company is always wanted, every time we all go down the pub. So, any gift we can give her, the guys try to make it special. And now they have me to help!! you might be able to see where this is going!

I can think my way out of any problem, regardless of the situ. Its what I do, and I love doing those things. Sam had planned a 'food parcel for Chance (Having just sorted her flat out, and buying a Mancoon cat (pass!) she said she barely has enough to go on..... so Sam planned this package) as a Christmas present, but clearly had not thought on how to get the package into Chances Flat. Que me!! I came up with a really good plan that had to work. It was to get her down the pub, me and sam make excuses to duck out, and slip the package into the kitchen of her flat (cause of Chances job, Sam has keys to get into her flat to feed Chances pets). We would then get chance back into the flat and surprise her with the gift. the first half was going well. Having woken Chance up, me and sam got her dopwn the pub, them ducked out as planned. But upon our return (separated of course, it would have looked dodgy otherwise) the whole thing nearly fell apart!

chance had just got back from the loo after I returned, and came out with "I need to go home and put some makeup on"! FUCK!!!!! The whole plan could have been deep six'ed if she went home. I tried to charm her and so did Sam, by saying she looked lovely anyway. But this did not work, so I had to flex the plan a bit. Claire was stood by me so I told her to go with chance but to keep her away from the kitchen at all costs. Chance didn't see me say this, but I had to tell Claire to do this or it would have all gone to pot. The girls went back to the flat, andwe knew the timing had to be just right. Sam and I, gathered the troops and began to move out to make this surprise, but someone had bugged out. Aiden had gone to sort something out and nearly didn't get back in time. Me, Sam, Tommy and dan got to the flat, Sam opened the door and we got Claire to stall chance, while sam and I set the surprise up. Aiden showed up just in time, and the action was about to begin. tommy blocked the door till we had set up and then we let her in. Me and sam held a large box, full of wine, dog and cat food, crisps and snack food, mouth wash (?) and a couple of other bits, all for chance. And when she walked through the door, she was stunned. seriously, she just couldn't get her head round it all. Sam did all the talking, but words were almost unecessary.

Chance, simply, could not believe that, not only had we infiltrated her flat without her knowing and got this package in, but that we went to these length just for her. I've only known her a couple of months, but she deserved it. And those guys don't know how much I appreciate how much they've shown just to me, letting me into their social circle, and intergrating with me. But the way they all care for Chance, its beyond friendship. I don't know the word, but the level is barely reachable. the care, compassion and love they show for Chance makes me feel warm inside, and in all honnesty, I don't know the buggers! Once Chance regained speech, she could not thank us enough, and the gang had a picture taken of us together. the Photo - Please look (From right to left: Tommy, Sam, Dan, Claire, Aiden, Me, Chance) I did try to take a pic before this, but that was shyte.... nuff said really. We all went down the pub, and drank some more but be had more in store for chance!

Earlier that night, having gained the plan, I asked Dad if he could whip up the picture, so we could present it to Chance. I explained one or two things and he was more than happy to help...... which is quite rare for Dad! I got the file from Sam and let Dad to all the work. the pic you see is what was taken, but Dad being an amature photographer and access to Photoshop, he went to town. the finished article was sorted and printed, and part 2 of Chances surprise could now begin. I got the photo to Sams, and finding out she was round a friends, out of town, me and Sam, again, slipped into her flat. We placed the wrapped picture on her coffee table and moved the coffee table into the centre of the room. Chance can be a bit dippy, apparently (I've not noticed) and Sam thought she might not notice where we put it. After we moved the coffee table, Sam came out with "If she misses that, she must be dumb!". I turned out and said "No, if she misses that, she'll break her leg! Its in the middle of the room, the coffee table".

Unfortunately, Me and Sam were unable to see the aftermarth, but further comms with Chance via text, showed that she was happy, although slightly narked by thye fact that we infiltrated her flat twice, without her knowning!! Following these activities, mum and dad think I might be up to no good (ME!?!?!), but I told them of the situ. To be a part of this, has been the highlight of the year for me. Without question. I've changed jobs, gained a new hobby, made new friends and done things that I've not done before. but this single act of compassion and love for chance has made up for all of the shyte I've gone through this year with jobs, lovelfe and stupid little girls (that I wished I'd accidentally shot, whilst airsofting on sunday ) that have caused too much crap. To do such acts for people THAT DO DESERVE the love of friends, they are the acts that will always stay with you forever and make you feel good about yourself.

So, what conclusion will this fat bloke come up with tonight? Well, as I said, one voice can't change the world, nor will a large group...... unless you're very lucky. But, instead, aim for your frineds instead. If the world won't chance the way you want it to when you try, try to help chance the world for a friend that needs, and derserves your help instead. you'll feel just as good, if not better cause you will see the effect of your compassion every day in that person's eyes. And deep down, you'll know that you did it, and it'll make you feel just as good.